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Monday, August 28th 2006

7:53 AM (3862 days, 22h, 0min ago)

"TAKE ME OUT TO THE BRAWL GAME"!

"LLLLLLLLLLLETS GET RRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRUMBLE"!! YA KNOW WHAT THAT IS? NO, YOU'RE

WRONG, "EVERLAST BREATH"! IT IS NOT BOXING FROM VEGAS, IT'S TORONTO BLUE JAY

"BASEBRAWL"! LIVE & IN LIVING COLOR FROM THE BLUE JAY TUNNEL/DUGOUT! IN THIS CORNER

THE MANAGER, (DEFINITELY!) FROM ONE OF THE "RED" STATES THAT VOTED FOR "DUBYA" (TWICE)

WEIGHING IN AT 220 LBS. (CAN.) AND, ON HIS LAST LEGS AS BLUE JAY MGR., & CURRENT CHAMP

OF THE ROGERS CENTRE, IN THE FAR CORNEROF THE TUNNEL/DUGOUT, JOHN "CINDERELLA MAN"

 GIBBONS! HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT, FROM ONE OF THE "WHINER" STATES, WEIGHING IN AT 190

LBS. "SOAKING DRY", THE PITCHER, TED "TIGER" LILLY! AND THE REFEREE TONIGHT, FROM

"BASTIN", MASS. MR. "MONEY BALL" HIMSELF, (OR IS THAT "PHONEY BALL"?) THE G.M. OF THE

TORONTO BLUE JAYS, J.P. RICCARDI! OR AS THEY CALL HIM AT THE CHEERS BAR, J.P. "DOUBLE

RICCARDI & COKE"!

 

THE PRELIMS TO THE ACTUAL BOUT TOOK PLACE AT THE PITCHER'S MOUND WHEN MGR. "SMOKIN

JOE" JOHN GIBBONS WENT THERE TO PULL "LIVERED" LILLY FOR ALLOWING 5-6 RUNS IN APPROX.

2 INNINGS! NOW I DON'T WANNA SAY THAT THERE WAS FOUL  LANGUAGE OUT THERE ON THE

MOUND, BUT IF YOU HAD A BIT OF "LIP READING" TRAINING YOU COULD HAVE RECOGNIZED

LEGENDARY COMIC GEORGE CARLIN'S "207" WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY ON TELEVISION ROUTINE!

 

ACTUALLY MGR. JOHN "MACHO CAMACHO" GIBBONS WAS LUCKY THAT "FILLY" LILLY DIDN'T HIT

HIM IN THE RIGHT CHEEK; HE WOULD'VE "DROWNED" FROM THAT CONSTANT "CHAW" JUICE! BUT,

ALAS, IT WAS NICE TO SEE THEM MAKE UP AFTER THE INCIDENT. THEY BOTH "BURIED THE

HATCHETT"...............IN EACH OTHER'S HEAD!

 

HOWEVER CAMERAS CAUGHT SOME BLOOD FROM "BONECRUSHER" GIBBONS' NOSE, BUT ONLY

THE CAMERAS FROM THE OAKLAND A'S T.V. COVERAGE, NOT THE BLUE JAYS' ROGERS SPORTSNET

CAMERAS. THEY MIGHT'VE SHOWED A LBIT OF THE BLOOD IN THEIR HI-LITES, BUT THE BLOOD

WAS IN B & W.

 

THEN THE REAL HI-LITE OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN "IRON MIKE" GIBBONS STARTED TO DO HIS

POETRY: " FLOAT LIKE A BLUE JAY, STING LIKE A STING LIKE A STING RAY, YOUR FASTBALL WILL

NEVER BE WHAT YOUR STINKER SINKER CAN'T SEE"! "AH AM THE GREATEST"! THEN HE RAN OUT

INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD AND STARTED YELLING: "ADRIENNE1 ADRIENNE! ADREINNE"!

AH YES, "BALBOA BREATH", YOU COULDA BIN A CONTENDA"!

 

AFTER THE GAME "HIS KNOW IT ALL NESS" G.M. J.P. "NO MAS" RICCARDI STATED THAT THE

MANAGER'S JOB WAS NOT IN JEOPARDY, AND THAT THERE WERE AT LEAST 10-12 "CLUBS' LINED

UP TO TAKE HIM IF THE JAYS DUMPED HIM. UHHH.........10-12 "CLUBS"? YEAH, RIGHT! HOW BOUT

THE HELL'S ANGELS "CLUB"? HOW BOUT THE OUTLAWS "CLUB"? HOW BOUT THE BANDIDOS "CLUB"?

PERSONALLY I'LL LAY YA 6-5 ON A 2-4 OF 6% CAN. BEER THAT HE'LL BE OUTA HERE FASTER THAN

PLUTO WAS OUTA THE SOLAR SYSTEM!

 

A LOT OF THE REAL BLUE JAY FANS ARE SUGGESTING THAT THE G.M. "RICKY RICARDO" RICCARDI

GET THE BOOT ALONG WITH PRES./CEO PAUL "THE FLIM-FLAM/TEFLON MAN" GODFREY. CAN YOU

SAY "TAR & FEATHER"? i'D REPLACE THEM BOTH WITH LARRY THE CABLE GUY, THAT IS, LARRY,

"THE ROGERS CABLE" GUY! LET'S FIRE THEM ALL & BRING IN A "PROFESSIONAL" MGMT. TEAM.

YEAH, RIGHT! THE MAPLE LEAFS' MGMT. TEAM! YA KNOW IF PARAMOUNT STUDIOS CAN DUMP

TOM CRUISE FOR STEALING THAT "MECHANICAL BABY SURI" FROM THE PROPS DEPT., THEN THOSE

3 AFORE-MENTIONED FAILURES CAN START SCOURING THE MAJOR LEAGUE WANT ADS IN ABOUT

3 WEEKS!

 

BLUE JAY FANS CAN ALSO BLAME THE G.M. ('GENERAL MAYHEM"?) FOR PRODUCING A HORRIBLE

FARM STYSTEM; WE'VE SEEN BETTER PROSPECTS ON THE "PEPPERIDGE FARM" TEAM! WE'VE SEEN

BETTER PROSPECTS ON "JIMMY DEAN'S FARM"! HOWEVER THE MGR. JOHN "DE LA HOOOOOOOYA"

GIBBONS JUST MIGHT HAVE A RESERVATION FOR THE JAYS' "FUNNY FARM" IN VERY NEAR FUTURE.

 

ON THE OTHER HAND THEY SAY THAT ANY PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY, SO THIS JUST MIGHT BE

GOOD FOR THE BLUE JAYS IN THE LONG RUN. ALL MAJOR U.S. T.V. NETWORKS RAN WITH THE

HI-LITES, SHOWING THEM CONSTANTLY FOR THE PAST WEEK. WHY EVEN SPORTSNET'S CAN.

COMPETITION TSN RAN THEM ON RUSS ANBER'S BOXING SHOW! RUMOURS ARE ABOUND THAT

"THE CHAMP" GEORGE CHUVALO WILL BE INVITED TO NEXT YEAR'S SPRING TRAINING CAMP IN FLA.

TO GIVE THEM TIPS IN "THE SWEET SCIENCE"! TIE DOMI WOULD GO TOO, BUT HE WANTS $2.5M

ON A 2 YR. DEAL! BYE-BYE, TIE-TIE!

 

OF COURSE THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER EXAMPLES OF TEAMS FIGHTING AMONGST EACH OTHER;

THE BLUE JAYS' OWN FORMER MGR. CITO GASTON & PITCHER DAVID "TUB OF GOO" WELLS BACK

IN 92. THE TEAM FINED WELLS $1,000 & ORDERED HIM TO FILL UP THE BEER FRIDGE AT THE HOME

GAMES FOR A WEEK.

 

AND HOW CAN WE FORGET THE INIMITABLE LATE BILY MARTIN OF THE YANKEES WHO WOULD

FIGHT WITH ANYBODY, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE! REGGIE JACKSON! HIS BOSS GEORGE STEINBRENNER!

MARSHMALLOW SALESMEN AT LAST CALL! BILLY'S PMS WAS NOT CONTROLLABLE BACK IN THOSE

DAYS! ONLY WOMEN COULD GO INTO A DRUGSTORE & PURCHASE MIDOLS BACK THEN! UNFORTU-

NATELY HIS "GREENIES" INTAKE ONLY MADE IT WORSE!

 

THEN THERE WAS THE MINN. VIKINGS NFL FOOTBALL TEAM FROM LAST YEAR! REMEMBER THEIR

INFAMOUS CHARTERED BOAT CRUISE? THE PLAYERS WERE BRAWLING WITH EACH OTHER OVER

THE AFFECTIONS OF THE INVITED HOOKERS & LAP DANCERS! SING ALONG WITH ME FOLKS, WILL

YA? "OUUUUUU WEE, OUUUUUU WEE BABY, OUUUUUUUU WEE, OUUUUUUU WEE BABY, WON'T YA

LET ME TAKE YOU ON A SEA CRUISE"? (NOW IF I WERE DOING THIS BIT IN A NIGHT CLUB, I'D USE

"SEMEN CRUISE" INSTEAD OF "SEA CRUISE". GUESS I COULDN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS IN A BLOG,

OR...........COULD I? HMMMM.........)

 

CLOSER TO HOME HERE IN THE "CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE" THE MAPLE LEAFS' MGMT. IS CONSTANT-

LY FIGHTING EACH OTHER OVER THE BILLIONS & BILLIONS OF THEIR SWAG REVENUE. SOMETIMES

OVER PETTY ISSUES ALSO, LIKE STANLEY CUP PARADE ROUTES, AND THE COST OF A 12 OZ. DRAFT

BEER AT A LEAFS/RAPTORS GAME. SOME DIRECTORS WANT TO LEAVE IT AT $12.50, BUT OTHERS

WANT TO RAISE IT TO $17.50! HAVE YOU EVER QUAFFED AN ACC DRAFT BEER AT A LEAFS/RAPTOR

GAME? PUT IT THIS WAY: THERE'S MORE "BEER" IN MY BODY ON TAP 1/3 BEER SHAMPOO!

 

AND DON'T FORGET THOSE "PUGILISTIC" HABS AT LE CENTRE  BELL (BELL CENTRE) IN MONTREAL

FIGHTING EACH OTHER (WITH? OR WITHOUT THEIR "HELMETS" ON? HMMMM.........) OVER THEIR

POST-GAME MEALS OF LA POUTINE, "OT" DOGS STEAMEE, LES PATATES FRITES, LES "AMBURGERS",

THEIR JOS. LOUIS/MAE WEST PETIT CAKES, AND OF COURSE "UNLIMITED" MOLSON "HEX"! BY THE

 WAY DID YOUKNOW THAT THERE IS NO MOLSON CANADIAN SOLD IN QUEBEC? ONLY MOLSON

"EX-CANADIAN" AVAILABLE! (UHHH........YA MIGHT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT ONE, FOLKS. BUT

UNFORTUNATELY YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THAT ONE ON YOUR OWN, YA SEE, WE CAN'T SHOW

SLIDES ON A BLOG)

 

NOW IF YA WANT SOME REAL AUTHENTIC FIGHTING, BICKERING, CURSING & SWEARING & GENERAL

MAYHEM JUST TUNE IN TO DAILY QUESTION PERIOD FROM THE HOUSE OF COMMONS. IT'S ALMOST

AS BAD AS THE CAN. LEGIONS ON THE "15TH. & 30TH" OF EACH MONTH! WAIT A MINUTE! NOT TO

DIGRESS, BUT DOES QUESTION PERIOD QUALIFY AS A "SPORTING EVENT"? HMMMM...................

 

DIRECT FROM THE BLUE JAYS' TUNNEL/DUGOUT FRACAS AREA, THIS IS YOUR HONEST BLOGMEISTER

"FRENCHIE" McFARLANE. GOOD NIGHT, GOOD LUCK, J.P. RICCARDI IS A SCHMUCK, AND THAT'S THE

 WAY IT IS!

 

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